please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize