I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
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He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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