can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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