I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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