your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
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He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
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