Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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