If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
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Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
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Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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