He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
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I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
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Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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