then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize