I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize