help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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