Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
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you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
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Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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