I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize