I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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