Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
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I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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