I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize