I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
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When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
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I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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