Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize