On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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