im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
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He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
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His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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