I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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