I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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