Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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