I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize