I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
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She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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