I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
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Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
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the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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