While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
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Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
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I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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