Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
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He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
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you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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