whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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