Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
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I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
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Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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