ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
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He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
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Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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