I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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