She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize