At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
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I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
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It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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