Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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