I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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