what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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