Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
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I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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