I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize