We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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