I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize