so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
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So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
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Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize