Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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