im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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