The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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