We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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