Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize