I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize