The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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