not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
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you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
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You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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